So what is it that captivates us to this, that and/or the other? Why do we inherently become addicted to things in general? What makes us reach for a drug, a food, watch TV shows obsessively, or whatever? Is the association of positively reinforcing memories attached to said addiction? Are we digging, searching -- fighting to obtain whatever that "feeling" was...... Does this essentially mean that we spend and entirety searching for ghost? Are we failing ourselves?
That's how I feel some days... I will start out feeling really positive about attaining my goals for the day.....but before an hour I am feeling dread of...nothing. That's the real kicker....I just dread the next moment, the next movement....It's like I am stuck on auto-fear reaction......constantly. I. can't. relax. Here is where my problem lies currently. It's a constant adrenalin rush that keeps me on edge. All. the. time. Why? I have absolutely no clue. There are days that the though of logging into work petrifies me to my very core. The thought of leaving to go out somewhere....anywhere....sends my head into a downward tail-spin. I spend so much time just exhausted from this feeling. I almost feel like something is physically holding me down or back and there is nothing I can do to stop or even prevent it.
And I want....need so badly to break out of this-- Sure I can....I am just not sure how to get there right now. I
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